Real Love, Real People
By a Neighbor Who’s Seen Too Much

You think you know your neighbors—until one of them turns out to be a porch pirate with a flair for the dramatic.

For a few weeks, packages started going missing from my doorstep. Not all of them—just enough to make me wonder if I was misplacing things or if delivery drivers were dropping the ball. But something didn’t sit right, so I finally checked my security camera footage.

And there he was. My neighbor. Hoodie up, quick in and out, helping himself to my packages like my front porch was a clearance rack.

I was stunned. This is the same guy who waves when he’s mowing the lawn. The one who borrowed my hedge trimmer and never gave it back. And now he’s starring in his own true-crime episode—on my camera.

But here’s where it gets surreal.

After realizing he’d been caught—because, of course, word gets around—he didn’t lay low or apologize. No, he decided to… perform.

The next time a package was delivered, he didn’t steal it. Instead, he walked up to the porch, turned toward the camera, and struck a full-on pose. One hand on hip, the other giving a peace sign. He held it for a few seconds, then gave the camera a slow nod… and walked away.

That’s how I knew: he knew he was busted, and this was his strange way of owning it.

I wish I could say this story ends with a heartfelt apology or a returned Amazon box. It doesn’t. I reported it. He denied it, naturally. But the footage did the talking.

Still, I can’t help but laugh at the sheer absurdity. It’s petty crime meets performance art. And somehow, it perfectly captures what it means to live around real people.

Real love, real people means facing uncomfortable truths. It means setting boundaries, locking your front gate, and sometimes watching your neighbor try to turn a security camera into a stage.

He hasn’t tried anything since. But just in case, the cameras are rolling—and the porch is off-limits.

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